With withdrawal of love, straighten the partnership again
Giving general advice is all too easy. That is why you should be able to read from a more specific case how you might be can act in a similar way to restore a partnership that has dislocated itself through withdrawal of love straighten.
The case: He says he's going climbing with his former girlfriend next Sunday. He has a voucher for two people. He doesn't ask his current girlfriend, with whom he has something that he calls a partnership, whether she would like to climb. Nor does he say: She always has the Pilates appointment, which is so important to her, on Sundays, which is why he didn't think of asking her. She replies that she must go now. He replies: stay a few more minutes. Only on the way home does she realize that this wording is like being thrown out, especially since it is still early in the evening (before 12 noon) and he doesn't have to be up early the next day.
This is how you put back the fragile partnership with withdrawal of love
- For the time being, do not respond to a call, SMS or other message if he calls you in the days following the case described above. Let it stew for a while. Do not hesitate to wait longer than usual with an answer / reaction. He'll wonder what's going on. He will notice whether and how much he misses you.
- It is best to discuss what happened with a (very) good friend who you can confide in. Your friend should only guess based on the facts. It is difficult enough for an outsider to judge a partnership. Compare other people's impressions with theirs.
- First, show yourself cool and reserved towards your partner. The next time he tries to meet you, let him flash away. But don't take it too far with the withdrawal of love, otherwise you will lose your boyfriend.
- Think carefully about how you react to what he tells you about your AB or tells you otherwise. Do not answer spontaneously, but sleep over it for a night.
- Cancel. If necessary, invent a sister with whom you want to meet at the date suggested by your partner.
- But then try to pay attention to your gut feeling. It's hard enough. Miss your boyfriend. How much does your anger, sadness, maybe even despair really affect him? How much is it hurt vanity that worries you? Try to be honest.
- Give your friend another chance, however angry you were as the first reaction, however how you cried may have afterwards, however much you have already familiarized yourself with the idea of breaking up.
- A partnership will never be one hundred percent consistent. Do not wish the impossible. You have to decide for yourself the following question: Does enough arise, the beautiful, the familiar, the closeness, the intimacy predominate, so as not to end? Is it enough to try and get the partnership back on track? Reut your friend his behavior?
If you feel that your boyfriend doesn't love you as much as he used to, then ...
Concrete formulation aids in the relationship
- If you have always used "Dear XY" or "Dearest XY" in an email, for example, leave out the salutation "Dear" or "Dearest". Withdrawal of love also works in this linguistic way.
- Be neutral. For example: "At lunchtime, I've already made an appointment with my sister." Leave out "unfortunately", that might sound cynical and snippy.
- Just say why you "have to" cancel: We want to go to a bar that is only open to private parties on that very day. This way, the e-mail is not too short and disgusting, after all, you are keen to get the partnership back on track.
- At the end, say something mildly "I hope we can find each other again". Add "LG" or "See you soon" or "see you tomorrow". Avoid giving an overly short answer that could be read as a rebuff. But you mustn't use too many words either.
